I am What I am

An open letter to someone who is a survivor !!!

After sulking for days ..no for months,  after blaming almost everyone around me- my family, my friends , my colleagues, my superiors, my education, my teachers, this country , the value system, ignorance. Point is after  sulking , throwing tantrums and blaming everything around me or everyone around me I think its time to finally stand up and own up the things.

A messed up professional life and then a little more messed up personal life. I peered into the mirror and found a tall & a fat gal looking back at me. This was not me. I always knew how I would look at a certain time peroid of my life and the person looking back at me isnt the one I envisioned .This can't be me. 

Wait this is me !!!!! But how can it be me? I just don't know where did i get lost? where did I loose that vision ? and most importantly when did I loose that vision?

I have always known what did I want for myself. I might sound too much vain but I have always had that picture in my mind. I remember right from a young age I always wanted to be tall girl and believe it or not I had worked towards it. With my limited knowledge of how ur genes effect your height  I just focussed on what can help me to be tall. I searched in books and on inetrnet and was glad to find out that playing games and hanging bars helps you to gain height. Once I knew what I had to do. I just did it . Whenever I would go to park I made sure that I would always hang on the hanging bars .I became part of my school's volley ball team., I would play badminton with my dad and without a fail  I would play basketball with my classmates in games period . Thanks to my genes and the effort that I had put in  I was the tallest girl in my school my engineering class and even in my PG class. I just love the attention  I get just because of my height.

I always wanted to dance but then there was that person inside me who would always hold me back ,who wouldnt let me dance even in front of my family members & relatives.  I looked at mirror and found a timid girl looking back at me then and there I promised myself from now on there is not going to be any more inhibitions about dancing. I am going to dance, not in a closed room in front of a mirror but on a stage in front of audience. Encouraged by my sister and my niece I started with my Kathak classes. I am a dancer today though not a renowned one not an excellent one but a dancer nonetheless. I have performed on stage and more likely to perform in future as well. I like it when people come and congratulate me on my dressing, on my expresssion but more importantly on my dance and he way they say "if only they had it in them and could move their feet on the tunes".

I wasnt a car driving person I never was but (scroll down for journey to be a driver) it was again a  Tête-à-tête with my mirror which helped me. I envisioned myself driving myself to work and anywhere I wanted to be. I am proud as hell to say Yes I am a driver and keep your cars away from me because  i might just drive it away..

Since my teenagae my dad wanted me to have braces which I never had . My siblings made fun of my smile in front of my niece. I was tear stricken like always I went up to the mirror in my room and I jut told myself irrespective of the age  I am going to have that perfect smile from now on.. I got braces after my PG was completed and I went through a lot of pain but today when people come and compliment me on my perfect smile . I just smile back ...whats more to do? :))

Now today when I look at mirror I see a girl whose overweight , who is a little disillusioned, who doesn't want to believe in certain things or certain people  but I have  a picture in my mind. I know I will be there not for others but for me. I want to look at the mirror in the eyes of that girl looking back at me and telling her "I am proud of you and I am what I wanted myself to be."

Think about your own mirror and get started!!!!! 

You know you have it in you and 

you know you will be through 

lets just do it!!!

Ciao

Deepti